11 Reasons Why Sexual Assault Survivors Wait To Speak About Their Experiences
I’ve listed 11, but it could go on and on
Nowhere to go. Many survivors may not know about safe spaces to report such as local crisis centers. Most cities have rape crisis centers operated by local non-profits and some Universities have women’s centers; however, many people in largely rural areas still lack access to these resources. These centers offer services like free counseling and provide advocates that assist as well as support survivors through the process of reporting by advocating alongside survivors.
Many survivors rightfully worry that reporting will lead to an experience of antagonization throughout the process which is a common fear for women and BIPOC when dealing with law enforcement.
Rape Culture. Rape culture is a real problem. In this culture, people blame and silence victims therefore excusing perpetrators. They ask: What was she wearing? Why was she drunk? Why did she come over late? Instead of placing full responsibility on the perpetrator for forcing or coercing someone into intercourse the victim is blamed as stupid, asking for it, or naive. This creates a culture that excuses rape thus increasing the crime’s rate of occurrence.
The important thing is there must be a “meeting of the minds. There must not be force, pressure, or inability to make a decision. ONLY YES MEANS YES; but, remember that yes can be withdrawn at any time. Furthermore, one no means NO! So don’t ask again. Don’t pressure or coerce!
Disbelief. People often do not believe survivors. Even though sexual assault is NO MORE LIKELY to be falsely reported than any other crime, people react to reports of sexual abuse with disbelief of the survivors of gender based violence, unlike literally any other crimes on earth.
Self Blame. Perpetrators are often people who were trusted and maybe even loved by the survivor. Not only are survivors dealing with the aftermath of unparalleled existential fear and pain they are dealing with betrayal in addition to self blame. Someone has deeply betrayed their trust. It hurts deeply and it is extremely traumatic as well as confusing.
Popularity of the perpetrator. Most times far too many people defend or believe the perpetrator while disbelieving the victim. They do this because they do not believe that their father, uncle, brother, friend, cousin, aunt, or famous beloved superstar could have done such a thing. But again rape is often committed by someone the survivor trusted as well; furthermore, it’s important to remember that only a survivor knows what a person is like as a rapist. You don’t know because they didn’t rape you.
Screwed Up Justice System. As far as reporting goes, I mean our justice system really drops the ball. The process of seeking charges can often retraumatize victims. Not to mention the fact that the system is about punishment of “bad” people not helping the survivors of crime. This perpetrator focused system places a burden on survivors of crime instead of focusing on making them whole again.
Male Dominated Police Force. Reporting also means going to the predominantly male cult that is law enforcement. For women surviving attacks by men the problems with this should be obvious. For men, the problem is telling other men they were assaulted in a culture that shames men who show any vulnerability especially when it involves women.
Fear The Perpetrator Won’t Be Punished. Sometimes the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. Intruding on someone’s right to safety and their own body is a seriously violent crime which requires a great level of apathy towards the survivor. Also, sexual assault leaves survivors with long term consequences. However, depending on their identity, sometimes perpetrators get little to no time.
Discouragement. Sometimes though women file reports they are discouraged by officials, or blamed by those they have told. Again the legal process is also highly invasive. After an assault, it is difficult to want someone else probing around your body. Victims may also be in a state of shock, denial, and self blame for a long time after the attack.
Retraumatization. The process of giving a statement, going over that statement, testifying, and telling your story several times over to different people can cause the survivor to have to relive the attack. Going over the details of your attack over and over causes you to have to relive each feeling and every bit of the trauma that comes with them all over again—repeatedly. Some women do not want to keep reopening a painful wound. They want to recover and move on.
HEALING. Some survivors are just focused on their healing and restoration. This is what is most important; however, our justice system focuses on punishment of “bad people” rather than restoring survivors. Many survivors may be focused on recovering, not vengeance. The pain and after effects of assault are so overwhelming it can take all of your energy to feel healed or whole again.
I encourage victims to document what happened to them whether in the justice system, in their journal, to their friends, or in a blog; however, the survivor’s own wishes come first. It is about what they need and what will work best for their restoration process since our system doesn’t offer any relief for victims of crimes outside of punishing perpetrators.